AJAX ENDORSES BIDEN FOR SCOTUS

You have to hand it to the Vice President. He has timing.

After weeks of being relegated to “Queen Mum”-type protocol events, the White House finally allowed Mr. V-POTUS to venture in front of the cameras. Thursday, he was allowed the spotlight in an attempt to reassure the American people that there was nothing to worry about from the swine flu…or the more politically correct H1N1. It should have been softball. The President had already urged calm…and given hygiene hints. And, Biden was talking to Matt Lauer, who thinks that Mr. Obama can walk on the “Reflecting Pool.” So, HERE’S JOE!

At first it appeared that Mr. Biden would stick to message. Then, Lauer asked, “If a member of your family came to you . . . and said, ‘Look, I want to go on a commercial airliner to Mexico and back within the next week,’ would you think it’s a good idea?”

Biden answered, “I would tell members of my family — and I have — I wouldn’t go anywhere in confined places now. . . . It’s not that it’s going to Mexico. It’s you’re in a confined aircraft. When one person sneezes, it goes all the way through the aircraft. That’s me. So, from my perspective, what it relates to is mitigation. If you’re out in the middle of a field when someone sneezes, that’s one thing. If you’re in a closed aircraft or closed container or closed car or closed classroom, it’s a different thing.”

So, what to do with a misbehaved Vice President? Well, Mr. Obama has come up with a couple of creative short term solutions, and Ajax has a long range suggestion.

First, Mr. Obama put his VP on a train. Yep, Joe took the train home to Delaware…riding along with all those folks on public transportation. I hear Secret Service Agents were required to take everyone’s temperatures before they boarded. Next, you send him to a place that has largely been ignored, the Balkans. We still have troops there. Remember, that was Big Bill’s contribution. We intervened in a country’s civil war, but no one really screamed about that.

But, those little excursions only keep Mr. Biden out of the SNL skits for a few weeks… So, what should the administration do for a more permanent fix? AJAX’S BIG SUGGESTION: NOMINATE JOE BIDEN TO REPLACE DAVID SOUTER.

As I said, Mr. Biden has perfect timing. He would not be VP except Georgia (the Republic not the State) went red hot for a few days during the campaign, and Mr. Obama’s weakness on foreign policy became a liability. Now, he proves once again that he is a gaff machine just as Justice Souter decides to retire. He’s perfect for the job. He’s a lawyer. He’s not bright, so he’ll be easy to manipulate from 1600 Pennsylvana Ave. PERFECT!

Who would replace Joe Biden? None other than the new darling of the Democratic Party, of course, Arlen Specter.

AJAX: LET THE CENSURING BEGIN

I received an e-mail today from the host of the ND Alumni Group from LinkedIn.  Aside from hosting, Kevin Monaghan is an employee of the University of Notre Dame.

The following is the text of the e-mail:

Tim:

I have received several complaints regarding your news postings on the ND Alumni LinkedIn group. The mission of this group is to promote professional relationships between alumni and between alumni and students. Please refrain from submitting discussion posts or news feeds that do not foster this mission.

In light of the recent discussion posts regarding President Obama’s invitation to graduation, I will be making an announcement to the our membership regarding the purpose of the group and with a similar request as I ask of you. Thank you for your understanding in this matter and I hope the group assists in your networking efforts.

Go Irish!
Kevin Monahan

The folowing is my reply to Kevin:

Kevin,

I appreciate your counsel. I would ask that you tell the cowards to e-mail me directly. I apologize for the position that they put you in, but I do not apologize for my beliefs. I am very truthfully confused that people who have criticized me for voicing my beliefs find it profoundly important that Barack Obama be allowed to express his.

Funny, I fought for our rights to do this.

I understand that I have been censured.

Thanks.
Tim

BTW, God Bless ND, GO IRISH!

For 20 years, I carried three things with me in either my flight suit or my cammies: a rosary (It was given by my grandmother to my uncle when he went into the Air Force. He gave it to me.), a Bible (given to me by my Godmother), and a copy of the U.S. Constitution (given to me when I was sworn in).  Somehow, it strikes me as funny that I am now being told to shut my mouth.

As to LinkedIn and the ND Alumni site, is there any more important discussion for the ND family than an openly pro-abortion President coming to speak?!

WHITE HOUSE: “TOUCHDOWN JESUS MUST BE DRAPED”

In South Bend, the University of Notre Dame is actively searching for enough fabric to shroud “Touchdown Jesus.” “Touchdown Jesus” is the better known nickname of the 13 story mosaic of Christ the Redeemer on the edifice of the Fr. Theodore Hesburgh Memorial Library.

White House Spokesman Robert Gibbs: “We just feel that having Jesus so prominently featured at a Presidential appearance sends the wrong message to non-Christians. Fortunately, the University has agreed to accommodate our request. Fr. Jenkins feels as we do that it is important to be inclusive of all the American people and to the World.”

Notre Dame will also drape all the other religious statues on campus. “We are canceling the traditional Baccalaureate Mass in favor of a more ecumenical service,” said a Notre Dame spokesman. “Look if the Jesuits were willing to drape a painting this is the least we can do.”

“13 stories of mural will take 13 stories of fabric. It all seems a little silly.” This from a local South Bend fabric store owner who requested anonymity. “We’re too close to Chicago . I’d rather not give my name.”

This is the latest development in the ongoing controversy surrounding President Obama’s commencement speech at the nation’s most prominent Roman Catholic university.

PRESIDENT OBAMA: LINE 1, IT’S AJAX FROM AUSTRALIA

I love Australia. The country enjoys a level of political incorrectness that we abandoned a few years back. And although, you might assume that my call to the CEO-in-Chief would relate to said lack of tact, the genesis of my call was to propose a radical new solution for the current crisis of the U.S. auto industry. The United States needs to drive on the left side of the road by summer of 2011.

I know, I know, you are applauding the sheer genius of my plan.

Any U.S. citizen who wished to drive would be required to purchase a vehicle with the steering wheel on the right side. Think about the magnitude of the transition! Almost every household would need a new car. We would embargo any imports from companies like Japan and Great Britain that already have their production lines set for that configuration. Still, there would be plenty of business to go around. The American industrial machine would have to roar to life on a scale not seen since World War II.

Positive second order effects would be realized as well. The new cars could be leaner and greener. The benefits to the planet would be significant…although we would have a huge glut of scrap metal; that is, all those vehicles designed to drive on the right side of the road. Federal, State and Local road projects would be required for everything from reconfiguring highways to moving signage. Anyone who wanted to drive would need to pass new driving tests, and along those lines we could mandate driver’s instruction. Companies that catered to drive-thru customers would need to invest in new construction to at the very least change the direction of the flow and at worse, move the drive thru to the other side of the building.

Simultaneously, we could make the shift to the metric system and change our signs to the more International model. With the first change, the price of gas could go through the roof and the average American (remember, the ones who couldn’t read their home loan documents) would take years to realize that just because a liter of gas cost less than a gallon of gas, it probably isn’t a good deal. Also, if a young guy is 16 and he is going 60 miles per hour, he’s probably bored. BUT, IF A YOUNG GUY IS SCREAMING DOWN THE ROAD AT 100 KILOMETERS PER HOUR, HE’S GOT CRED’ WITH HIS POSSE… that would be the son of the parent’s who couldn’t figure out that $1500/month income does not pay a $2000/month mortgage. As to the signage, it is just time that we became part of the community of nations. Our signs need to look like every other nation’s signs.

The beauty of this plan is this: If ten years after the transition (2021), the auto industry goes back in the dumper, we just switch back.

BE CAREFUL! AJAX JUST MIGHT BE A RIGHT-WING-EXTREMIST

I have been laying low.  I, like many veterans, are feeling the heat.  The Department of Homeland Security has compiled a report on Right-Wing extremists. After listening to news pundit and several radio hosts rant and rave about the contents, I read the report. SHOCK! YOURS TRULY MUST BE ON SOME DHS WATCH LIST!

Paranoid?  I think not.  The DHS are monitoring my e-mails, they are checking this blog, they know what radio stations I listen to.  Yep, as a recently retired, combat veteran, I am disgruntled, disillusioned, disheartened, and definitely suffering. This makes me a candidate for radicalization!  If you have bookmarked my blog on your favorites, delete me immediately. You never know what government computer geek has scanned your hard-drive and seen that you and I are some how associated (fortunately, so few people actually read this blog…and fewer still know how to bookmark, I am not feeling all that guilty).

To think that a couple weeks ago, I was a candidate to be SECNAV.

One of my highlights from the report was the comparison of the economic and political climate of the 1990′s to today. That would be the recession grown in a wartime Bush administration and the replacement of a Bush with a liberal Democratic administration. Funny, President Obama makes Mr. Clinton look like he should be on a right-wing watch list.

I do take some solace in the fact that I don’t wear a sheet and that my hair is naturally falling out.  Apparently, the whacko nut-job-sheet-wearing crowd and the shaved-head self tat’ing swastika wearing bunch are unhappy with the election of the first African-American President.   So says the DHS report.  That is possible, although the whacko nut-job-sheet-wearing crowd from Dixie may not care since President Obama is not the descendant of a slave. The neo-nazi-shaved-head crowd might be angry with that, but they are hard to miss in even a big crowd.  Thankfully, I am just a combat veteran, and not neo-nazi wearer of bedroom linens.  Further, I would not have applied to be Mr. Obama’s SECNAV, if I did not respect his accomplishment…

Things go down hill after that for this veteran.  I am not thrilled with the new administration’s views on illegal immigration and citizenship, expansion of social programs, and restrictions on the 2nd Amendment.  I read the Federalists Papers and some writings by the revolutionary Thomas Jefferson.  Some of the “Change We Can Believe In” seems to fly in the face of the Founders’ intent, but that does not seem to phase our current regime.  I am not alone in the radical idea that illegal immigration is..well..ILLEGAL; that citizenship is a privilege that is earned; and that the framers really believed that we should have the right to bear arms…just in case we needed them.  And of course, Mr. Obama’s stand on abortion and stem cell research…I digress, the report doesn’t address the radical Right-to-Life extremists.

For twenty years, I served my country.  I believed that we were the Greatest Nation on Earth.  Now, our Commander in Chief is apologizing for that arrogance.  The U.S. is about to take its place in the community of Nations rather than as the Leader of the Free World.  That is the message that I read in the Foreign Press, so the Communicator in Chief is getting his point across (Yes, I read Foreign Media).  The DHS feels that some of us may feel  threatened by the rise of prominence of China, India, Russia, and Western Europe.  I guess China, India,Russia and the Euro crowd did not get the memo on this “One World” community thing.

I was shocked to read that I might snap.  I am apparently a candidate for that.  I had people shooting at me, and people died during attacks on our camp.  I guess I could have PTSD.  Secretary Napolitano, PLEASE SAVE ME FROM MYSELF!

Ranting and Raving and Sarcasm aside, I have two questions “How did this get out?” and “Why did this get out?”  The latter is the more important.  The press possesses both the Right-Wing and the Left-Wing analyses.  These reports were clearly marked (down to the subparagraph) as “FOUO” or “For Official Use Only.”  That makes these classified documents, which should not have been released.  The Right-Wing analysis is just over one week old.  That means that there would not have been enough time for someone in the press to discover the document’s existence and then to apply for its release and then obtain the released document with the inflammatory parts redacted.  Someone handed this document to the press.  Again, I ask, “Why?”

Secretary Napolitano instead of apologizing, which you seem to be contemplating could you please just resign.  The content is bad, the breach of security is ridiculously incompetent.

EASTER WITH AJAX: WAIKIKI’S HOMELESS

We decided to go surfing in Waikiki on Easter morning.

We parked at the Honolulu Zoo and walked on the beachside walkway to the west end of Kuhio Beach (Duke’s) Park. Although we arrived just an hour after sunrise, many people were already enjoying the beautiful morning. Tourists and locals alike were walking or running on the beach or on the walkways.

We were surprised by the number of homeless. Some were sleeping either on benches, in the grass or on the beach. Others were beginning to stir. They were packing their shopping carts or laying out their modest personal belongings. Seeing homeless in our parks is very common on Oahu. Seeing the large number of homeless along this stretch of one of our most popular tourists beaches was amazing. It seemed as though every bench was occupied by someone either laying down or just waking up.

Tourists were obviously aware of these poor souls. One incident in particular was profoundly intense and sad.

There was a gentleman who was probably my age (mid-40’s). What hair he had was red; his beard was mostly grey. He stood well over six feet and weighed an unhealthy 250 at least. This was a big man. He had sand all over his right side, the side he obviously slept on, and he was pushing his shopping cart.

As he pushed up from the beach his approach to the walkway was obscured by planters. Simultaneously, from the same direction on the walkway, a young Japanese mother was walking hand-in-hand with her roughly five year old daughter.

Timing is an incredible thing. Approaching from the opposite direction, we could see the developing situation. The man pushed his cart up and cutoff the woman and her child. The man meant no harm, but he was just way too big and way too scary for the little girl. His eyes met her eyes. As obviously scared as that terrified little girl was, I honestly believe that the man was at least as scared.

The problem is that little girl and her mother will not forget the encounter. The couple dozen other people who witnessed the meeting will not forget. Everything strangely stopped. Then, the man pulled his cart back toward the beach. Everything started again.

I understood the look of fear in the eyes of the little girl and her mother. I did not understand the look of fear in the eyes of that very big homeless man.

Maybe, I hope I never do.

In November 2008, the Honolulu Advertiser reported that roughly 8000 people were in Hawaii’s Homeless Shelters. On Oahu, different surveys put the numbers at roughly 2000 in shelters with an additional 2000 living wherever they can find a place. Tent colonies of homeless have emerged in several parks that are frequented not only by tourists but local families as well. Some have parked their vehicles in local shopping centers, put the cars on blocks and set up camp.

MR. PRESIDENT, COULD WE PLEASE TAKE OVER GEICO?

Any company that approved an ad campaign with a stack of money topped by two creepy, googly eyes deserves to be seized.  This is one that you and Mr. Geithner should act upon swiftly.  Take them over. Immediately pull those ridiculously stupid ads, fire the CEO and any one who had anything to do with giving this concept a big thumbs up.

You can only imagine the meeting in which this thing was proposed.

“There’s these people who haven’t switched to GEICO.  Then, there’s this pile of money.  It keeps showing up and it staring down those unfortunate non-GEICO customers.”

“How does the stack of money stare down these people?”  That question marked the end of any sane input at the meeting.

“The money…HAS EYES!”

“The money has eyes?”

“What kind of eyes?”

“The money has these two googly eyes that are propped up on top of the money.  AND IT STARES THESE PEOPLE DOWN.”

“The money stares these people down with googly eyes?”

“YES!  And then here’s the punch-line.  The other person says…”

“There’s another person?”

“Yes!  The other person says: ‘That’s the money you could have been saving with GEICO.”

You know there was a pause in the room.  You know that everyone in the room was thinking this is SO STUPID.  And, you know the CEO said, “I LIKE IT, LET’S GO WITH IT!”

Please, Mr. Obama, Mr. CEO-in-Chief, let’s takeover GEICO and end this misery.

Kettlebells: How do you keep from smashing your…?

President Obama’s trip to Europe has messed with my mind. He barely bows to the Queen of England, but gives a full, from-the-waist bow to King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia. Everywhere he goes, POTUS seems to be apologizing for us being US. So, to clear my head, I ran and swam. At poolside, a group of folks was training with kettlebells.

Some readers may ask, “What’s a kettlebell?” Well, a kettlebell is a heavy metal ball with a metal handle attached. The next question from those ignorant to the latest in cross-training trends is, “What does one do with a kettlebell?” Well, apparently, there is a myriad of exercises from which to choose. My focus is an exercise that I think is called the “kettlebell swing.”

You start with your feet shoulder width apart. You squat down and pick up the kettlebell with both hands. You setup with the bell between your legs in a good athletic position then snap your hips up and forward while raising your arms and the bell toward the target position overhead. Then, you swing this heavy metal ball back down between your legs.

I watched some older gentlemen performing this. As they fatigued, I noticed the starting/finishing position got higher and higher, closer and closer…too close to a part of the body that you don’t want to hit/smash with a heavy metal ball.

So, I had to ask one of my friends who had joined the workout. “Steve, does anyone ever hurt themselves…I mean really hurt themselves?”

“No, not that I know of. You wouldn’t do that.”

“Yeah, but Steve, your margin of error, we’re talking a little breeze or a slight loss of balance.”

“I would prefer not to focus on your negative energy during my workout.”

I googled it. Not one news report of catastrophic sterilization was reported. Although, who would report such a thing?

This is a Kettlebell. Imagine swinging this between your legs.

IT’S OFFICIAL: AJAX WILL NOT BE SECNAV

Lost in this weekend’s G-20 coverage and the other economic headlines was Friday’s White House announcement that President Obama will nominate Governor Ray Mabus. What few realized was that yours truly had applied for this coveted position. So, today, I regret to announce that my candidacy for Secretary of the Navy has ended.

I am extremely disappointed. I contacted the Obama transition team to seek some feedback. While they have not gotten back to me, I have some thoughts on how my candidacy went wrong.

First, I paid my taxes. That is not to imply that Governor Mabus will have tax issues. I just know this must be my main stumbling block. Until recently, I would have thought that paying ones taxes would be a positive thing.

Another reason for my rejection is my stated position that the U.S. Navy exists to support the U.S. Marine Corps. I put that in my application, and I have heard that many senior Admirals felt that was an unacceptable position for SECNAV to take. I proposed to concentrate on Amphibious shipping and projecting the Marine Corps from the Sea.

And then, nepotism played a part in my rejection. President Obama and Governor Mabus graduated from Harvard Law. You know they have some secret handshake thing.

Why did I apply?  I was curious. The Obama transition team established a web-site where applicants could submit resumes and supporting material. I thought, “Why not?” A guy who went through most of his career with the callsign of “Ajax” would truly fit in with the Obama administration. And as I also pointed out in my application, I would be one of the few “Secretaries” younger than the President.

While I am a bit down (I actually thought I had a shot!), there are some bright spots. Governor Mabus’s having actually served in the Navy is refreshing. Also, with the addition of Governor Mabus, the CEO-in-Chief actually has added a person who has not only run a company, but also led that company out of bankruptcy.

“WANTED: CEO TO RUN FAILING CAR COMPANY…

…that is $28 BILLION in debt.  New corporate owner seeks a motivated manager who is looking for a challenging yet rewarding career opportunity.  Interested parties should send resume to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.”

“We the People” had a heck of a weekend.  We now own a couple of car companies.  And did we show Detroit “Change you can believe in”?  Yes, we did, because YES, WE CAN… literally and figuratively in the case of Richard Wagoner of GM.  I gotta tell you, the whole thing made me feel…powerful.

Reagan may have had his Air Traffic Controllers and Truman had a run in with the Steelworkers, but those were unions.  Barack Obama fired the CEO of GM.  I googled it, and I found no evidence that any other President has fired the CEO of a major American corporation.  The reviews of his action are mixed, but this is another first for our latest but greatest President.

Still, decapitating GM was probably the easiest part of saving the company.  That eliminated only a third of the interested parties.  Management is out, labor and the bond holders are left.  The question: How tough is the CEO-in-Chief willing to get with the Unions?  Labor Unions helped to pay his way into the White House.  

Labor costs have truly been an anchor around the neck of the Big-3 as they attempted to compete with foreign car manufacturers.  Labor seems to be digging in their heels.  The problem with that strategy is that bankruptcy works against labor and in favor of the bond holders.

We may have gotten in over our heads this weekend.  The chances of a workable solution being developed in 60 days seem slim.  

I guess we should just bask in the feeling of power that comes with being part of “Change We Can Believe In.”  And hey, WE OWN A CAR COMPANY!